STOP PRESS * STOP PRESS * STOP PRESS * STOP PRESS * STOP PRESS * STOP PRESS

THE DAILY SPORT's Angling Section reports, just under the leading headline, FREDDIE STARR ATE MY RAPPALA, that Kerry's very own resident Evil Knievel, Vincent Appleby, fell off his motor bike when practising a hair raising manoeuvre whilst hurtling over the Hogs Back.

Apparently, THE SPORT continues, hitting a hard, sun baked cow turd, that was lying in the middle of the road at 50 mph is no laughing matter.

The Police do not suspect foul play at this moment in time, however, there is an appeal for witnesses. However, a brown and white cow was seen in the vicinity, apparently it was reported as being seen regularly shitting in a field close to the scene of the accident.

Fortunately for the residents of Waterville, they can now venture out their houses in safety without the fear of being run over by Evil Appleby as he is known locally, THE DAILY SPORT continues; the roads will be a safer place to travel on now the two wheeled angling demon of Caherdainiel has taken all the skin of his arse and will be out of the saddle for some considerable time.

Asked if he was at all disheartened by this set back, " No, I fuckin am not" says Evil Appleby. He continued, "this has not deterred me from performing my two wheeled death defying feats, in fact, at this moment, I am planning my comeback by being the first man in Waterville to ride a motor bike under water to Church Island with a single breath".

The relevant authorities have been asked to intervene and have him sectioned under the Irish Mental Health Act.

Report from THE DAILY SPORT Irish Angling and Good Caravan Guide Correspondent:

Johnny Hi Ho Silver Lining.